Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hi, I'm Maggie.
[00:00:01] Speaker B: And I'm Nicole. Welcome to the DAC Dyslexia and Coffee Podcast. We're so happy you could join us. We're both moms and dyslexia interventionists who want to talk about our students and children.
What dyslexia is, how it affects our kids, strategies to help and topics related to other learning disabilities will also be covered in this podcast.
Parents are not alone. We want to give voice to the concerns and struggles we are all having.
This is a safe place to learn more about how to help our children grow and succeed in school, in the world. Grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the conversation.
[00:00:35] Speaker A: Hi, everybody. We're gonna start with the concept of the week, which is how we start all of our episodes here on DAC Dyslexia and Coffee. The concept of the week is our opportunity as practitioners to kind of pull back the curtain a little bit and let our listeners into an intervention session. So. So we like to cover topics that we would teach our clients about.
So today's concept of the week is attention span.
This is one of those terms, I think, that gets thrown out a lot.
So, like, okay, what actually is it?
So attention span is simply the length of time in which a person is able to concentrate mentally on a particular activity.
So kind of how long can you sustain that mental energy on one particular task?
[00:01:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
So welcome to episode 42. We are continuing our summer series on executive functioning, and today's topic is emotional identification.
Big topic.
[00:01:47] Speaker A: Big topic. Everybody take a deep breath.
This one is a doozy. It is, and I think really, really charged. It is like, this is a charged topic. This one kind of makes me. Makes me a little nervous even to talk about it, to be honest.
[00:02:08] Speaker B: So, of course, we should definitely define what this. What we're talking about today.
[00:02:14] Speaker A: Yeah. So emotional identification is really exactly like it sounds.
It involves recognizing and then understanding the various feelings you experience, both internal and external. So kind of what's going outside? What's going on outside of you? What's going on inside of you? This process can be enhanced by paying attention to bodily sensations using visual aids like emotion wheels, journaling, practicing mindfulness techniques.
We should kind of back up and say, this actually is the second episode of our summer series on executive functioning.
Last week, we discussed foundational skills of establishing expectations of the home and then goal setting. So kind of the goal of this summer series is to really talk about the home environment and how to enhance executive functioning at home. So what can we be doing with our kids to kind of Enhance that executive functioning at home.
[00:03:28] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:03:30] Speaker A: So let's kind of talk back about some ways to really increase our emotional identification.
One is pay attention to your body.
[00:03:46] Speaker B: You know, those physical sensations.
You have to notice any subtle changes in your body.
The lump in your throat, racing heart tightening of your chest.
That's helping you be aware that there's something emotionally probably going on either inside or outside of you.
[00:04:07] Speaker A: You know, one way to kind of accomplish that is like do a body scan. This is actually something I really love that they do at my kids school, starting even in 4K. They talk about, they kind of start their day with what they call a body scan and they actually like, there's like a motion that they do. They kind of like do like jazz hands with their fingers and they start at the top of their head and they go all the way down to their toes and they talk about kind of what's going on inside their body. And so that's something that I've kind of started doing with them at home a little bit too of like, you know, I think my kids are relatively little still. Right. Just kind of as a reminder, they're 5 and 7, so they will still let me do this with them.
But it's something that I think a little unconsciously I've kind of started to do too. Like.
Yeah, what is going on for me right now?
[00:05:11] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:05:12] Speaker A: I'm not really sure I was ever trained to pay attention to that or that was even a good thing that you should just that you should pay attention right to your body. Kind of like, well, ignore that. Keep working. Was kind of the.
[00:05:25] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:05:26] Speaker A: Was kind of the push and turns out not that effective.
[00:05:30] Speaker B: And like anything that we talk about on the podcast, you know, it's really up to your child how much you might not have to help them with this.
Like for our oldest, I have to help cue her through the whole body because she can't do it on her own.
She's.
You have to say, is it your head? What does your head feel like? What does your neck feel like when we go down the body? Because if there's pain or anything, she just, it's. It's everywhere for her. It does. She can't pinpoint it without help. So just knowing your own child and knowing how far or how much they need in cueing is important also.
[00:06:17] Speaker A: For sure.
Yeah.
Expanding your emotional vocabulary.
One way to kind of get at this is like an emotion wheel.
So it's usually like a, it's a visual aid that it's round, it's Round, like a wheel, you know, and it. It has like a wide range of emotions. The one that I like and use actually comes from the Zones of Regulation framework.
That's a great one.
What I like about that particular series is that it starts with like pictures of faces.
[00:07:04] Speaker B: Right.
[00:07:05] Speaker A: You know, it really. And it starts with pretty simplistic emotions. And then there's actually one that's geared for like teenagers or even adults that is a more complex wheel.
[00:07:17] Speaker B: Right.
[00:07:18] Speaker A: With a wider range of emotions that still kind of color coded into their kind of. They have like a yellow, blue, green, red kind of framework. But I do find that both of my kids need that visual or really just benefit from that visual.
[00:07:43] Speaker B: That's a great scaffolding tool also to start with the simple and then build on it.
[00:07:48] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:07:51] Speaker B: Journaling is another way to. You write about your emotions. You help label them, understand them more deeply, what's causing them, how you're feeling about them and what you're doing about them.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
Practicing mindfulness and reflection.
You know, I think these two things sometimes get used like interchangeably, like mindfulness versus reflection.
[00:08:20] Speaker B: Yeah, they're really different.
[00:08:22] Speaker A: White. Quite different.
You know, mindfulness really is the idea.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: That we are like present the mind.
[00:08:31] Speaker A: Yes.
Here we are right now, you know, when we're doing kind of that little body scan.
[00:08:39] Speaker B: Right.
[00:08:39] Speaker A: Activity that is. That's really a mindfulness activity because it's bringing you to the present place. What is happening for me right now, I'm not that concerned about what already happened.
[00:08:51] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:08:52] Speaker A: And I'm not concerned about what's going to happen next.
Where reflection is very different than that.
[00:08:59] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:09:00] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:09:00] Speaker B: You know, reflection is. You're reflecting on what happened or the.
[00:09:05] Speaker A: Situation and planning and then trying to.
[00:09:08] Speaker B: Identify those feelings and planning the next steps. So, yeah, it's a very different thing. And I think you're right. They use that interchangeable a lot. And I don't know why.
[00:09:18] Speaker A: Yeah, it's not.
[00:09:19] Speaker B: They're very different concepts and in ways to kind of participate in that emotional intelligence.
[00:09:30] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure.
You know, also being able to seek support and resources.
I really like having explicit conversations with my kids about who are your trusted people? You know, if you're at home, it's mom and dad, you know, and then kind of slightly expanded the circle. Right. Like, my parents are very involved in the kids day to day.
[00:10:02] Speaker B: Right.
[00:10:03] Speaker A: So in our family, we usually always include grandma in the, you know, primary, because my mom very much spends a lot of time during the week. My mom spends more time with my kids than I Do.
She just does.
[00:10:20] Speaker B: So.
[00:10:22] Speaker A: So really, you know, in our family, we would include Grandma in that wheel of people to talk to.
But I think it's also important to talk about if you're at school, who's that person? Who is that person?
You know, who is your guidance counselor?
You know, what is that person's name?
[00:10:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:49] Speaker A: You know, starting those kind of early conversations of, who can I talk to?
[00:10:56] Speaker B: And trust.
[00:10:57] Speaker A: And trust, you know, and keeping that tight.
[00:11:01] Speaker B: Correct. You know, not like, you know, Wilson, who likes to tell everybody everything about our entire life and it doesn't really matter who they are.
[00:11:10] Speaker A: Yes. I also have one of those.
Hi. Yeah.
[00:11:16] Speaker B: Guess what?
[00:11:16] Speaker A: We did all the things.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: All the things. And then everybody at school goes, hey, we know what you did.
Great.
That's awesome.
[00:11:25] Speaker A: Some of the things that, like, okay, well, it wasn't the exact situation that.
[00:11:33] Speaker B: Occurred, but, yeah, he got the main gist. Whatever.
And then seriously, though, you know, a therapist, if you're really needing that help with the process or the understanding of your emotions is a very, I mean, important thing to have in your back.
[00:11:54] Speaker A: Pocket, I think, very much.
And totally.
What a great thing to model for kids, too. I mean, we have in our family done, I mean, some couples counseling. We've done some individual therapy.
You know, again, my kids are little. I'm not saying I'm bombarding them with, like, all of our business. I'm not saying what we're talking about in there. But I have definitely said, like, well, Mommy gets to talk to somebody, and so Mommy's going to talk about her emotions, and I'll be back in a, you know, 45 minutes or whatever.
Because I think it's so important that they see that work being done.
[00:12:36] Speaker B: Right. And I think just being able to model that that's what you're doing, that's another form of them being able to see it and then being able to understand that it's okay.
[00:12:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:48] Speaker B: To do that.
[00:12:49] Speaker A: Like, it's okay and good, you know.
[00:12:51] Speaker B: Right.
[00:12:52] Speaker A: Like, yeah, this has really helped me in a lot of ways.
[00:12:57] Speaker B: So.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
Yeah. This one really is such a struggle for not just my kids, but I think just for a lot of people. Understanding the connection between emotions and needs.
[00:13:17] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree.
[00:13:19] Speaker A: You know, recognizing that, you know, emotions signal something is going on, there is some need that maybe isn't being met or maybe it is, but it needs to be kind of just adjusted, you know, and kind of coming up with a plan.
[00:13:40] Speaker B: Which is the next step is an action plan. You know, once you identify that need, creating the Action plan to address that need or readjust, whatever that is, the constant.
[00:13:52] Speaker A: Right. And it's kind of like a harken back to kind of our goal. Why plan to check?
[00:13:57] Speaker B: Right. Because when you're checking, you might realize, oh, that need isn't really all the way being.
[00:14:06] Speaker A: Addressed. Right.
So it's like that constant. Okay. When we have that sort of rotation.
Right.
Goal. Why plan to check?
[00:14:16] Speaker B: Exactly.
And really practicing is really important.
Anything, any of these steps needs to be practiced over and over again so that they become second nature basically. Right. Because that's how you develop the deeper understanding of your emotions and how they impact your life, but also the ability for you to identify and have an action for them.
[00:14:47] Speaker A: You know, and that's what the research tells us. Right. Like the research really has shown that identifying emotions can improve emotional regulation, which is a different skill and topic. Right.
We cannot have emotional regulation if we can't even identify them.
Right. That leads to better decision making and a greater sense of well being.
Yeah. There was one study about tarantulas.
[00:15:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:21] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:15:22] Speaker B: I know. But it was interesting that they. The researchers found that just identifying and labeling the emotions that the participants had about the tarantulas.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: Oh my gosh.
[00:15:35] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:15:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: It actually increased their tolerance for the uncertainty and fear. So they were able to kind of get over it just by identifying.
[00:15:46] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:15:47] Speaker B: That. Isn't that amazing?
[00:15:48] Speaker A: That is really fascinating. Yeah, that's really fascinating.
You know, many of our kids, and I think the adults really around us can really struggle to identify and name their own feelings.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:16:05] Speaker A: When kids can identify an emotion that they are feeling and the intensity in which they feel it, they can make better choices about what to do next.
[00:16:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
So. And this also builds upon that concept that students do affect themselves and others, and it helps enrich their understanding of how the social world works.
[00:16:32] Speaker A: Yep. You know, that understanding of that reciprocal influence. Right. What I do affects you, what you do affects me.
You know, and as kind of. We talk a lot about in our family how it's everybody's responsibility to take care of the house and to do the things right. And when one person isn't doing their job, the rest of us are not able to do our jobs either.
We're less effective when we're not doing everybody's part.
[00:17:05] Speaker B: One way we can build this skill is to really just expand our kids emotional vocabulary. I mean, just giving them the words is a very big help to them.
You can do this by talking with them, modeling them, giving visuals of them.
I mean, because if they don't know what the emotion is or how to speak about it. How are they going to identify it?
[00:17:31] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly.
You know, we want our kids to link their feelings to their actions and then think about how other people were feeling in that situation. That's kind of like the next.
The next extension. You know, I like a script.
I think it's helpful tool, you know, so one possible script would be when happened. I felt blank, and then I blank.
[00:18:03] Speaker B: So an example of that could be when you jumped off the monkey bars. I felt scared and then I yelled, yeah, yellow. Yeah, that's a real scenario for us.
[00:18:13] Speaker A: But, you know, or when I saw you put your clothes away, I felt happy and I wanted to give you a hug.
You know, we try to use a variety of emotions.
[00:18:27] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:18:28] Speaker A: You know, we want to talk about happy, frustrated, bored, sad, disappointed, proud.
[00:18:38] Speaker B: And to again, define those words and maybe even give them example of when you feel those emotions in an activity or during a situation.
[00:18:49] Speaker A: Yeah, I like.
I do like the emotion wheels.
I like that it kind of shows. Right.
When kids are little and they're really just trying to identify their basic emotions.
[00:19:03] Speaker B: Right.
[00:19:04] Speaker A: You know, something like angry or mad might be a just fine word, but it might not be angry or mad. It might be more like frustrated.
[00:19:12] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:19:12] Speaker A: You know, or maybe they might be just kind of upset, maybe they're hungry, maybe they're annoyed.
I mean, there's just a lot of. There's a lot of degree there.
And those kind of emotion wheels really help them see that.
[00:19:29] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:19:30] Speaker A: You know, and that emotions give us cues.
We have. You know, we can feel something. We say a lot in our houses. You can feel any emotion.
Right. No emotion. Even the ones we think of as bad or negative.
Right. They're not bad or negative. They're the feeling that you feel.
[00:19:54] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: The action that you take is a choice.
And that's kind of what I always want my kids to see.
Right. That, you know, you.
You might have felt really angry when your sister crushed your Lego.
[00:20:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: Yeah. That doesn't mean.
[00:20:11] Speaker B: Right.
[00:20:12] Speaker A: Like you hitting her is not an acceptable. It's what happened. It's not an acceptable option. What are some other things we could do?
[00:20:22] Speaker B: Exactly.
Another good tool would be like an emotional worksheet, because sometimes that takes the emotion out of the whole scenario. But you can seal still. You talk about the scenario on the worksheet and you talk about what somebody might feel about it and what actions they might do or not do based on that emotion.
[00:20:45] Speaker A: Yeah, anytime. We can kind of talk about this emotional identification In a way that doesn't, like, shame or blame. Kids is really great. You know, it's. It's important to talk about real life stuff and it's important for them to think about all the things.
But it is sometimes hard to do without that kind of shame and blame, I think, especially given certain kids temperaments.
[00:21:17] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:21:18] Speaker A: You know, I definitely. When we have to have this kind of talk with my son, it's a lot harder when we do it with my daughter, you know, and I can really relate to that. This stuff is legitimately hard. And I think one of the things that makes adults shut down is we were not. We largely were not really taught to do this or that it was even okay. It was not modeled.
And I think it also gets kind of roped in really wrongly so into this idea of like, if you're talking about emotions, then you're kind of like a soft parent.
Like, kind of gets lumped into like, oh, you're just, you know, care about your kids emotions and let them dictate everything. And it's like, that's not. That's not it. That is not what we're talking about here.
[00:22:12] Speaker B: Right.
[00:22:12] Speaker A: Trust and believe. I am not a soft parent.
I don't think so. And I think my kids would tell you that I'm not a soft parent, but I definitely do care about the way my kids are feeling and I care about what my household feels like.
[00:22:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
Another good option is using emotional pictures because you can see the faces and be able to explain what they're feeling. And sometimes we do a lot of talking back and forth of, well, what was the situation that made you feel that way? And then you can kind of have that talk with your child about how they felt. What did they do next? Was that appropriate or not?
And kind of. It's just another way to get at those emotional activities and feelings that are really hard sometimes to just even talk about.
[00:23:15] Speaker A: Well, and I think just a varied natural extension here and something that most of us are doing in our own homes already. Right. Most of us, people who are listening to this podcast are reading to their kids. Right. People who are listening to this podcast are watching shows and movies and interacting with their kids or you wouldn't be listening to us.
[00:23:38] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:23:39] Speaker A: You know, so it's just, it's. We saw. We load and stitch the new one over the weekend.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: I loved it. I thought it was fantastic.
But we had a long conversation, like family wide, extended family. Wow. What was, you know, what was the thought or feeling here? What did you think about this part. And why do you think, you know, x character reacted this way?
You know, we would be remiss here if we don't at least mention Inside out in this episode.
[00:24:11] Speaker B: All the different emotions.
[00:24:14] Speaker A: But one of the reasons I love both of those movies is. It's exactly that. It's that idea that, you know, we all have emotions. They all have a job, and, you know, our kind of big job is exactly. You know, I can kind of picture, like, a long table. Right. And, like, I have even had my son, like, kind of draw his emotions at, like, a table.
[00:24:47] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:24:47] Speaker A: And then put himself, like, at the head of the table.
[00:24:50] Speaker B: Oh, nice.
[00:24:50] Speaker A: Like, he's in charge, you know? Okay. So, like, this is you and yourself, and then here are all your emotions. And, like, anger might be telling you, like, hit your sister.
Do it, do it.
And Joy's telling you, no, you love your sister.
You know, but it's like, you're the one having to kind of make that decision. Your emotions talk to you. They're all important, but you're the one who has to kind of make that plan.
[00:25:19] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:25:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:24] Speaker B: Yeah. That's a good example of using that.
I think, too, again, depending on your child, it might be very different.
You know, some of your situations might not be as deep. With certain kids versus others.
[00:25:40] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely, on that. That's the other thing, too. It's like, this model really does work across age groups, and I have used this model with high school kids I've been working with when I was. I wish I had this tool when I was in undergrad and I was an RA.
[00:26:04] Speaker B: Whoa.
[00:26:04] Speaker A: It would have been a very helpful.
[00:26:06] Speaker B: Tool to have in my inside out. Would have been. Just inside out would have been just.
[00:26:10] Speaker A: Like, fantastic to have kind of that.
That dialogue. But, I mean, it's in a less explicit way. I have definitely had this even among our spousal relationship. Right. Like, okay. Yeah. When that happened, you made me feel this way, or, you know, this is how I felt, and this is what happened afterwards.
[00:26:33] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:26:35] Speaker A: So I just. I think this skill is really critically important, and I am glad it's talked about way more.
[00:26:44] Speaker B: I agree.
[00:26:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
I just. I'm happy that this is happening.
Yes.
In real ways.
[00:26:57] Speaker B: I agree.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:00] Speaker B: So what's happening outside of dyslexia, Maggie?
[00:27:03] Speaker A: Yeah. This is kind of a whirlwind week for me and everybody on the planet.
You know, as we record this. This is the first week in June. We have a lot of June birthdays in my family, so we kind of had a whole thing Kids are out of school as of Wednesday, which as we record this, that's tomorrow.
So my baby finishes 4k tomorrow. I cannot.
[00:27:35] Speaker B: No, she's ready.
[00:27:36] Speaker A: She is.
[00:27:36] Speaker B: She's been ready.
[00:27:37] Speaker A: More than ready. She is more than ready.
[00:27:40] Speaker B: She's ready for high school.
[00:27:41] Speaker A: What?
[00:27:42] Speaker B: Are you kidding?
[00:27:44] Speaker A: She really is. Oh, God. Oh, my heart stopped just then, though.
[00:27:47] Speaker B: Sorry.
Didn't mean to do it.
But she's just a very.
[00:27:52] Speaker A: She is gonna be.
[00:27:54] Speaker B: She's gonna be fine.
[00:27:55] Speaker A: Just fine. She's gonna be so excited. But we are definitely having the like.
[00:27:58] Speaker B: But I love my teacher.
Yeah, that's the hard thing when you're so connected with your teacher.
[00:28:04] Speaker A: It is, it is. We kind of. We had a slow roll. Cause Aiden's teacher's been out on maternity leave, so he kind of has already had to like deal with that.
So. Yeah. What's going on in your house?
[00:28:20] Speaker B: Same thing. We had two done with school and one is going to be done Wednesday.
And we really don't know what we're doing this summer because we were going to do some camps and then they were told we couldn't do those camps. So now we have to find other camps.
[00:28:34] Speaker A: Oh, no.
[00:28:37] Speaker B: Yeah. We really don't know. We have two weeks of the whole summer planned. Oh, our kids are going to be pretty bored.
[00:28:42] Speaker A: Well, you are going to have to just deal with boredom a little bit.
It is a good summer to build some executive functioning skills.
[00:28:51] Speaker B: And we are. We definitely made.
They have definitely. We have a chart actually that we did start on what they have to do throughout the day and it does not include any devices.
[00:29:04] Speaker A: Good.
[00:29:04] Speaker B: We'll see how long we can work while that's happening.
[00:29:09] Speaker A: I think the last episode of the summer really needs to be like a wrap up. A wrap up, right? Yeah.
[00:29:17] Speaker B: Did it work?
[00:29:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:29:19] Speaker B: Who knows?
[00:29:20] Speaker A: I was talking big game a couple weeks ago about all of this thing and we'll just see how that works out for me. We'll see.
Thank you everybody for listening. Please follow us on social media and reach out if you have any questions or would like us to discuss. Discuss a topic. If you do like our show, be sure to follow and rate our show on your favorite podcast players. That is how we reach more listeners and get to help more families. Thank you, everybody.
[00:29:48] Speaker B: Thank you.
