Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: And I'm Nicole. Welcome to the DAC Dyslexia and Coffee Podcast. We're so happy you could join us. We're both moms and dyslexia interventionists who want to talk about our students and children.
What dyslexia is, how it affects our kids, strategies to help and topics related to other learning disabilities will all be covered in this podcast. Parents are not alone. We want to give voice to the concerns and struggles we are all having. This is a safe place to learn more about how to help our children grow and succeed in school, in the world. Grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the conversation.
[00:00:32] Speaker B: Hi, everybody. Welcome to episode 89 of Dyslexia and Coffee Podcast.
We're going to start today's episode like we do every week with the concept of the week. So the concept of the week is our opportunity for, as practitioners to kind of pull back the curtain a little bit and let everyone into an intervention session. We like to talk about things that we would either teach directly to a student or we would teach their families about.
So today's concept of the week is social emotional development or Social Emotional learning, which is sometimes abbreviated sel.
It's kind of having a moment in the sun right now.
It is the process in which children and adults acquire skills to manage emotions, set goals, show empathy, maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions. So it's the learning attached to our social well being and our emotional well being.
[00:01:43] Speaker A: Correct.
So episode 89 is teaching students how to identify, how to recognize their own body systems and what to do about it.
[00:01:54] Speaker B: Just a little light topic for today.
[00:01:56] Speaker A: Just a little.
[00:01:57] Speaker B: Just a little light topic. Easy peasy.
Yes.
No. Right.
[00:02:04] Speaker A: Right.
[00:02:05] Speaker B: I don't really know any person, adult or child, who has this skill fully honed.
I really don't.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: Every single moment of every day. I would say sometimes, yes, you do well. And I think sometimes you don't do well. Depending on the day.
[00:02:27] Speaker B: Depending on the day. And understanding your own body cues could be confusing and a lot. Because guess what?
Bodies change over time.
[00:02:40] Speaker A: Yeah. So do those hormones.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: They sure do.
[00:02:44] Speaker A: They sure do.
[00:02:45] Speaker B: No matter what population we're talking about. Right. When we're talking about children, that is true. When we're talking about adults.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: Still true.
[00:02:51] Speaker B: Still true.
[00:02:53] Speaker A: How do I know that?
[00:02:54] Speaker B: Yeah, still true. Right. And when we're parenting, guess what? We're going through our own hormonal shifts.
[00:03:01] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:03:02] Speaker B: At the same time as our children.
So I just want to just big, like, kind of preface this whole episode with like, let's all just do the Best we can, correct?
Yeah, let's just do the best we possibly can and just keep swimming.
[00:03:29] Speaker A: So there's like five core components. Self awareness, self management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making, which all of these things are foundational for mental health, academic success and overall well being.
[00:03:46] Speaker B: Right? Absolutely.
Let's get a little granular.
So self awareness, what does that really mean? Right. Recognizing one's emotions and strengths. So that awareness piece is literally that being aware.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: Being aware of what's going on.
[00:04:08] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:04:09] Speaker A: Could it also be being aware of if you have pain in your body or my stomach feels funny.
Could that be because I might be anxious?
[00:04:24] Speaker B: Right. You know, or hungry or I need
[00:04:27] Speaker A: to use the bathroom.
[00:04:28] Speaker B: Right. All of those things.
[00:04:30] Speaker A: First, you have to be aware to answer, to ask the question of what's happening next.
Now, if you're really hungry and you're growling, that's pretty obvious, right?
[00:04:40] Speaker B: Yes. To some. Right?
[00:04:43] Speaker A: Right.
[00:04:43] Speaker B: A lot of our kids really struggle with that, though. They do. They don't know what their body feels like when it is hungry or thirsty, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
[00:04:56] Speaker A: Or maybe there's pain in an area.
[00:05:02] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:05:04] Speaker A: And they're not sure why or where it is. Because sometimes the body can perceive pain very differently depending on where it is.
[00:05:13] Speaker B: Yep. Well, and with little kids and even medium kids. Right. Having the actual words to describe something is so difficult.
[00:05:24] Speaker A: Right.
[00:05:26] Speaker B: So it, I mean, it starts with that awareness and then being able to communicate is the next step.
But really that self awareness is really literally just that.
[00:05:41] Speaker A: So for younger kids or children with some neurodiverse concerns, sometimes you use a picture, right?
[00:05:51] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:05:53] Speaker A: Where does it hurt? Or what feels funny? And then they point and then maybe they draw what they're feeling or they try to use simple words that you need to interpret.
[00:06:08] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:06:08] Speaker A: So what it is.
Which, believe me, I'm starting to become an expert in that because my children do that all the time.
Yeah.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: And even just having times throughout the day where we all stop.
Let's check in.
[00:06:29] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:06:30] Speaker B: What are we thinking? What are we feeling? What? Like, what are some things that we need right now?
Boy, I think a lot of adults would benefit from a practice like that.
Raising my hand as high as it goes. Honestly.
[00:06:46] Speaker A: Right. We're very bad at having lunch.
[00:06:48] Speaker B: We're terrible at the two of us
[00:06:52] Speaker A: when we're working together on some project.
Yep. Our husbands come in and they're like, so what'd you have for lunch? And we both look at each other and we're like, oh, it's five o'. Clock.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Guess we're not doing that today.
[00:07:03] Speaker A: Guess we're not doing that today.
[00:07:04] Speaker B: We just, you know, heads up. Not good.
[00:07:07] Speaker A: Yeah, that's not what you're supposed to do. Right.
[00:07:08] Speaker B: We are not trying to be the models here. We're like do that in it.
Yeah, we're in it and looking for advice listeners. You know, fix us the second one of those key elements. Right. That self management piece, that's where we get into the actual regulating of emotions or behaviors such as handling stress or controlling those aspects. So like step one, aware. Step two.
Okay. What am I actually doing about it? Not every thought needs to be expressed verbally. Right.
Just because I'm mad doesn't mean I can throw something.
Right.
[00:07:53] Speaker A: So like what are you going to do? And you usually have to do that.
Think about that before something happens.
[00:08:00] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: Proactive to have your strategies first.
So are you going to take a deep breath? Is it somewhere, something that you need to remove yourself from the room for so that you don't say something that you shouldn't say to your teacher?
[00:08:16] Speaker B: And it's like a cycle. The more actually aware we are of our own bodies and feelings, the better we can be at management.
Correct. Because we could recommend we can see the sign before the balloon is about to burst.
[00:08:31] Speaker A: Exactly.
Yeah. And then like, does mindfulness help you? Does journaling help you? What helps you handle some of the stress that happens every day in our world?
[00:08:43] Speaker B: Right, Absolutely.
[00:08:46] Speaker A: So yeah, that is a very important piece too because if you, you're aware something's going on but you don't know what to do about it, you get stuck.
[00:08:57] Speaker B: You get stuck. Exactly.
Social awareness, understanding others perspectives and being able to empathize.
Right. And empathy really is just being able to kind of put yourself in that other person's shoes. Just being able to kind of understand their feelings doesn't mean you have to agree.
[00:09:18] Speaker A: Right.
[00:09:18] Speaker B: Not the same thing.
[00:09:20] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:09:21] Speaker B: Not the same thing. But understanding first of all, other people have their own thoughts and feelings.
[00:09:27] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:09:28] Speaker B: Making that paradigm shift is pretty difficult for a lot of our kids.
[00:09:36] Speaker A: Right.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: They're like, well, everybody's thinking and experiencing the same thing as me.
That's not true. Yeah.
And then relationship skills. So establishing healthy relationships.
Who is a friend? What does that mean?
[00:10:00] Speaker A: Are they really your friend?
[00:10:01] Speaker B: Are they really your friend?
You know, what's a classmate who's an equal maintenance? Actually understanding those relationship skills, communicating and resolving conflict.
[00:10:14] Speaker A: This needs to be taught explicitly. Just like anything.
[00:10:17] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:10:18] Speaker A: Because you're not gonna just open your eyes one day and be like, oh no, that's my friend. That is not my friend.
[00:10:25] Speaker B: It's not gonna happen. And I don't think we do kids any favors with the we're all friends.
This classroom talk like, no, we're not though. Right. We're not though. And that doesn't mean that we're not required to treat everyone in here with kindness and respect.
Right.
[00:10:43] Speaker A: But not everybody's gonna be your friend.
[00:10:45] Speaker B: But not everybody's gonna be your friend. You're not gonna get along with everybody all the time.
And that's okay. That's how human beings work. That's what makes the world as interesting and beautiful as it is.
It does not absolve you of the responsibility of being kind and compassionate and working with people that you don't really care for or don't have that much in common with. Exactly. But no, I do not think we do kids favors at all when we say we're all friends.
No, we're not. That's not true. We're all classmates.
[00:11:23] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:11:24] Speaker B: We're all in this together because you
[00:11:27] Speaker A: wouldn't expect an adult to be at their workplace and think everybody's their best friend.
[00:11:32] Speaker B: That's right. That's not. That's not true. I have co workers I am genuinely friends with.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: Right.
[00:11:37] Speaker B: And I have co workers who are co workers.
[00:11:39] Speaker A: Right.
[00:11:40] Speaker B: And that's normal, healthy social behavior.
[00:11:43] Speaker A: Correct? Yes. So I don't understand why we think our children. Right.
Would need to be everybody's.
[00:11:49] Speaker B: I think it's kind of insulting, to be honest. I think it's an insult to kids because they're not dumb and they already know not everybody's their friend. Right. Like, I don't like it. I think it's kind of insulting.
[00:12:02] Speaker A: That goes back to that social awareness.
[00:12:03] Speaker B: It sure does.
[00:12:04] Speaker A: Sometimes they don't know that they're not their friends. Sometimes that can become. You're absolutely right. Problem.
[00:12:09] Speaker B: You're absolutely right.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: Then that leads to the responsible decision making piece of everything.
Right. You have to make constructive choices about behavior and social interactions.
This starts developing at birth with infants. It's like learning the interaction with your caregiver. And then early childhood and like in preschool, that's with sharing, turn taking and identifying emotions. So those type of things kind of.
What are you going to do about this relationship? What are you going to do about this social awareness?
How are you going to be in that environment?
[00:12:51] Speaker B: Yes.
Yeah. I think it's important to have kind of those. Okay. That's where we're starting. Right?
[00:13:01] Speaker A: Right.
[00:13:03] Speaker B: So how do we support social and emotional growth?
One we do actually encourage expression.
We help our kids label emotions. And that starts really with simple language when they're younger.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: Right.
[00:13:25] Speaker B: And gets more complex as they get older. Teaching them, you know, different colors of the emotion wheel. Right?
[00:13:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Whichever one you're using, there's many out there.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: There. There are. And I think it. It is helpful. I mean, in our house, we use zones of regulation. That's what they use at my kids school too. And I think that is really helpful because school and home, we're using the same thing. The same thing.
You know, when your kid is outwardly showing an emotion, like, I.
I see that you look sad. You look sad to me, you know, and allowing them to say that back
[00:14:11] Speaker A: to you, I think bringing it back to the I do, you could also be like, I feel sad. What. What does my face look like?
[00:14:18] Speaker B: What? And that's so important. And I think, you know, many adults.
That was absolutely not modeled for us. That was.
[00:14:31] Speaker A: You kind of had to figure it out.
[00:14:32] Speaker B: You had to figure it out. And some of us did and some of us didn't, you know, and honestly, showing an emotion at all is highly culturally sensitive.
[00:14:46] Speaker A: Correct.
And kind of different generational.
[00:14:50] Speaker B: Very much.
You know, here in the Midwest, I can tell you, showing any emotion that was not just.
Sure, yes, thank you.
Not encouraged, Right? It just wasn't encouraged. Like, too bad.
That was. It was just not encouraged. And I think it.
We can see the effects in the way adults treat each other.
[00:15:21] Speaker A: The next thing is modeling behavior, like demonstrating how to communicate calmly during the conflict. Or this is back to. You could even do this prior to a conflict.
[00:15:36] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:15:37] Speaker A: You can do the. I do. This is make a scenario, show them what you would do, then you practice together. And then when they're out in the environment, hopefully remember those things, you know,
[00:15:50] Speaker B: And I mean, even within our own household, right.
We have marital conflict. Right.
And it happens in front of the kids. And I'm not saying we're perfect, but I think we do really put an emphasis on, like, well, that made me feel this way. I don't really like that. How can we resolve this together?
[00:16:19] Speaker A: Right.
[00:16:20] Speaker B: You know, all of those things that I, I think it's really important that our kids do see adults do have conflict.
[00:16:28] Speaker A: Right.
[00:16:29] Speaker B: And there is a repair process. And this is what the repair process looks like.
[00:16:39] Speaker A: The next thing is to foster empathy, like, encourage, like, comforting of friends, or at least sharing how they're feeling, letting them talk, those type of things, and use teachable moments, like.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:16:57] Speaker A: Like after a behavior or a stressful event is completed, go back and discuss what happened and the feelings that were around it and if they did well, how that worked or if it wasn't a great outcome, how do you fix it?
[00:17:14] Speaker B: And those other teachable moments that are just like, not about the kid. Right. Like, okay, if we're reading a story or we're watching a show or.
Yeah.
[00:17:25] Speaker A: Especially lately those shows. Oh, my goodness.
[00:17:28] Speaker B: Definitely. But I think, you know, in even the ones that I'm like, this is a children's television program. I like.
[00:17:35] Speaker A: No, it's not.
[00:17:36] Speaker B: No, it's not. This is a terrible show.
[00:17:40] Speaker A: That's an off site. That's another topic. It sure is.
[00:17:43] Speaker B: I can go on and on about that.
That's no Daniel Tiger, that's for sure.
But I think, you know, even those teachable moments that are not really about your kid can be so sometimes even more beneficial.
[00:17:58] Speaker A: Right?
[00:18:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:02] Speaker A: So there are a lot of benefits to have strong social emotional skills.
Number one, improve mental health. Right. There's lower levels of anxiety and depression and people who have strong emotional.
Social emotional skills.
[00:18:19] Speaker B: Which makes all the sense.
[00:18:21] Speaker A: Right.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: I mean, anxiety, depression, often kind of two sides of like the same coin. Right. And so like that anxiousness, is that always like that being spun up?
Well, if you're always spun up, you can't be really paying attention to your body or sometimes you're paying too much attention to your body. To your body and not enough about, you know, the emotional side of things.
You know, and that depression is like when you're stuffing that down.
Well, you know, of.
Of course, when we're in either of those states, which.
Both states are actually normal human behavior. Correct.
It's just that when we have too much on either side, that's when it becomes a disordered.
[00:19:13] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:19:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:17] Speaker A: It can improve academic success because it increases focus and improves your grades, which makes sense again.
[00:19:24] Speaker B: Right. I mean, of course, if you are a person capable of managing your emotions most of the time. Time. Then you are also a person who's capable of paying attention in school and gaining that knowledge much faster.
[00:19:45] Speaker A: You have better relationships. You have deeper connections with your peers, family, teachers. Because you are. Right. Part of that is that empathy. You're able to understand their own feelings and be able to relate to them.
And I think that deepens relationships for everybody when that happens.
[00:20:05] Speaker B: Absolutely.
You know, and it increases your resilience. Right. If you are better adapted to deal with your own emotions and your feelings inside your body, you can cope with challenges and setbacks. I think in a lot of conversations I have with people about mindfulness or social emotional learning.
I feel like there is this idea that it means that you're really soft, right? Like oh, you just care about your emotions. Like no, it's not. That's not it. It's not that we're getting stuck in the only paying attention to emotions and stopping there. It's that we are very aware that emotions affect our entire body system and we're in tune with that and we understand what to do so we can cope with when things feel bad.
Right. When things feel bad. These are the things I can do to cope in the moment and then you know, hopefully put in some barriers for myself that I can overcome these challenges.
That's a source of strength, not weakness.
You know, we're not stuffing these emotions down and not paying any attention to him. That that's going to.
That's going to backfire every time.
[00:21:36] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:21:38] Speaker B: Ask me how I know.
[00:21:43] Speaker A: And the benefits of social and emotional learning is very well researched. There's many, many studies on it where evidence shows that all being able to have that type of social emotional learning positive outcomes for students, adults and communities is massive.
[00:22:05] Speaker B: Oh, absolutely.
[00:22:07] Speaker A: And that's why a lot of schools now have a social emotional learning program.
Yes, that they are.
[00:22:15] Speaker B: It's often part of actually like the state standards in many places.
And that's a really good first step. I mean it's a really good first step and individual implementation we could take a look at. But honestly, a couple of years ago there was a pretty big push back against the self kind of curriculum at our kids school. And I actually was proud of the way the district handled it. They just said, okay, come on in, we're going to show you all of the books we're reading. We're going to show you all of everything that we're doing. We're sharing with you all of these lesson plans, all of the videos that we're watching, all of it.
And I think once you saw like, oh, actually one of the comments someone made on the record at a school board meeting was like, I actually think the bigger problem is that adults don't have this SEL curriculum.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:23:19] Speaker B: And I was like, yeah, you're like, you're 100% right. I think that is the problem. Right.
A lot of us don't have a really good baseline to go off of.
And it's easy to downplay something that you weren't taught as a kid or wasn't pushed as a kid or didn't know much about. You don't know much about. It.
[00:23:46] Speaker A: You're.
[00:23:46] Speaker B: You're. You know, it's. It's a fear response, really. Right, Correct. Like, oh, I don't know that. So I'm afraid of it. So it's not important.
And I think it's. It's easy and part of human nature to, like, see. Stop there.
[00:24:02] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:24:04] Speaker B: And, boy, it's.
I think it's had a really positive effect on my kids at home. The fact that they actually are talking about emotions and how to identify them and how to feel them in their own bodies.
I think for the students that we work with here, I think it's even more important, even understanding how does my body respond when I am too tired to keep pushing. Right, Right. I think a lot of the students that I teach in older grades, who.
They're working so much harder than their peers to achieve the same level of work. Like, I have a young lady who I'm working with who, you know, she's a stellar student.
She has straight A's in school. She works incredibly hard, and she's not sleeping right. And she's putting all of this time and effort into one particular class that is diminishing returns. Right, Right. It's. It's diminishing returns. It's just like trying to work with her on the understanding of, like, actually, there are just some things you should let go.
You really.
You really need to let that go in service to yourself.
It was definitely a lesson I had to learn for myself the hard way.
[00:25:45] Speaker A: Right.
[00:25:46] Speaker B: Not just once.
[00:25:47] Speaker A: Teenagers don't always want to listen to you. They don't want to listen to that.
[00:25:51] Speaker B: And I see a lot of myself and her definitely, like, yep. I'm pretty sure parents should try to tell me this. And I was like, nope, thank you. I know better. I really need that A in who the heck cares class now.
[00:26:03] Speaker A: I mean. Right.
[00:26:05] Speaker B: But, you know, with time and distance, I can see that that was kind of ridiculous. But it's like, boy, I really wish I actually had listened to some of that.
Then it would have served me so much better. And I think the more we're able to tell that to kids.
[00:26:30] Speaker A: Right.
[00:26:31] Speaker B: I think we can make their lives better.
[00:26:34] Speaker A: Right? Correct.
So, Maggie, what's going on beyond dyslexia?
[00:26:40] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness.
We have only one month left in school.
And just the pure amount of things that I cleared our calendar, like, our whiteboard calendar and our hallway at home today and wrote up all the new things, and I just kind of wanted to cry. I'm not gonna lie.
Yeah.
[00:27:08] Speaker A: I still need to do that. And I'm not looking forward to it. No, it's been.
[00:27:13] Speaker B: I just.
I really don't.
I don't know. I don't really like it when there is absolutely no time for thinking about all the things that we actually have to do. Right.
But, yeah, it's just the sheer. It's the sheer amount of stuff, and I am starting to feel myself panic about it. And I'm glad we did this episode on social emotional learning, because it's a good reminder to me that. No.
Okay.
[00:27:48] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:27:50] Speaker B: Actually, I am a person with these tools, and I can use them.
And even though I'm not perfect, I think I do okay. And, you know, it's like that reminder that actually, that's something we have to do proactively.
So it was a good episode to do for me today. Nicole, what's going on for you?
[00:28:12] Speaker A: Well, a few weeks ago, Maggie talked to me about how they have an indoor garden, and so I decided to try it. So history.
I've tried many, many gardens. None of them have worked.
Mainly our outside.
There's so many trees in our yard that it's hard for things to grow or the dogs eat them.
[00:28:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:34] Speaker A: You know, and so I was like, I really want to grow my own stuff, and I don't know how. So I did get them, and they started spring, and I was like, oh, my gosh. This is the first time I've ever had anything sprout.
So it's been kind of. I got it for my children, but I think I'm enjoying it a lot more than they are.
[00:29:00] Speaker B: It's so fun. Oh, my gosh.
Okay. I'm so excited for that update. What did you plant?
[00:29:08] Speaker A: So we have peppers, tomatoes, lettuce, and then we did a bunch, like, oregano.
[00:29:18] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:29:18] Speaker A: We did cilantro. We did parsley.
Can't remember the other one, but so we kind of got. Did a little bit of vegetables, and we did a little bit of herbs, and we're gonna see what happens.
[00:29:30] Speaker B: Oh, I love it.
I love it.
[00:29:32] Speaker A: Yeah, that's. I was like, it's green and it's coming up, and.
[00:29:37] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's.
[00:29:38] Speaker A: My kids would be so much more into it, and they're really not.
[00:29:41] Speaker B: Oh, funny. Not even Katherine. No, that's funny. That's funny. I thought she just looks at it,
[00:29:46] Speaker A: and she's like, okay. And walks away.
Of course, the kid that likes trees and outside stuff.
[00:29:56] Speaker B: Yeah. She would be all in it. I thought she would be into it, too, but I'm glad you're into it.
Yeah. We were gifted those aero gardens or the ones that we were gifted them and at first I was like, oh come on, this is another thing that I have to take care of.
But it has been such a fun thing because we grow things year round in our house and usually we do like lettuce and herbs.
We do tomatoes, which is fun because like I can't even eat a store bought tomato anymore. I can't do it.
And I love tomatoes, but I don't like store bought tomatoes. Gross.
They're not real.
But. Oh, I'm so glad. I'm so happy for the update. That's so fun.
Well, thank you everybody for listening. Please follow us on social media and reach out if you have any questions or you would like us to discuss a topic. If you do like our show, be sure to follow us and rate us on your favorite podcast players. That rating is really how we meet more listeners and we get to help more families. So thank you everybody.
[00:31:02] Speaker A: Thank you.
