Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: And I'm Nicole. Welcome to the DAC Dyslexia and Coffee Podcast. We're so happy you could join us. We're both moms and dyslexia interventionists who want to talk about our students and children.
What dyslexia is, how it affects our kids, strategies to help and topics related to other learning disabilities will all be covered in this podcast.
Parents are not alone, and we want to give voice to the concerns and struggles we are all having. This is a safe place to learn more about how to help our children grow and succeed in school, in the world. Grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the conversation.
[00:00:32] Speaker B: Hi, everybody. Welcome to episode 97 of Dyslexia and Coffee Podcast.
We're going to start today's episode like we do every single time with the concept of the week. So the concept of the week is our opportunity as practitioners to kind of pull back that curtain a little bit and let everybody into an intervention session.
So today's concept of the week is definitely a review.
We have had this as a concept of the week before, and it is emotional regulation.
This continues to be a term that I hear kind of misused or just not quite fully understood, so always worth a review.
Emotional regulation is the ability to monitor, evaluate, and modify your emotional reactions. Right. To achieve your goals and respond appropriately to situations.
It kind of breaks down to four essential components, right? So recognition.
What's going on? What are my emotions? Can I name them?
Response. What am I doing when I'm feeling a reaction?
Adaptation. Changing my behaviors or changing, you know, changing all of the adaptations.
And then reflection. Okay, what happened? What went well? What didn't go so well? What's my plan for next time? You know, and those are, like, cyclical.
I think that's another misconception. Or I think when we make these things into kind of like a worksheet, right there is this kind of idea, and I'm seeing it more and more and more, that we can just teach executive functioning skills, like through a worksheet.
Those worksheets are often helpful frameworks, and I use them. We do them here.
But it doesn't just start and end in a worksheet. It's not like, oh, I named my feelings, then I responded, then I changed, then I reflected. I'm all done.
[00:02:49] Speaker A: No, no.
Wouldn't that be nice, though?
[00:02:52] Speaker B: No, no, that would be.
Oh, man. If we could crack that code,
[00:02:58] Speaker A: we would be millionaires.
[00:03:00] Speaker B: Yes, we would.
We would have much more enjoyable days.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: So today, episode 97, we're going to talk about coping Strategies for dysregulation. Ah, yes, yes, yes.
So remember, emotional dysregulation occurs when your nervous system feels overwhelmed. And that causes your emotions to feel out of control or disappro.
[00:03:31] Speaker B: Oh boy, you got it.
[00:03:33] Speaker A: Disproportionate to the situation.
So basically the most effective strategy is to break that cycle, right?
[00:03:42] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:03:43] Speaker A: By combining like physiological calming, like deep breathing, like you're calming down your whole nervous system and then cognitive grounding to help shift you from the reactive to being responsive.
[00:03:56] Speaker B: Yes, yes.
And it's that simple. Guys, that's it.
[00:04:00] Speaker A: That's it.
[00:04:01] Speaker B: Episode over.
No, unfortunately not.
Right, so we're going to break it down more. Don't worry, we are going to, I promise we're not going to leave you hanging.
So a variety of evidence based, actionable coping skills can help you manage and stabilize intense emotional states.
So one is that physiological regulation, right? So that physiological is like what you are feeling in your body, how your body is actually processing sensory information.
When overwhelmed, your brain is in that fight or flight, right? Or freeze. I'm a, I'm a freeze.
My husband calls me a fainting goat.
Not wrong.
You know, um, there is a form of behavioral therapy that's called didactical behavioral therapy or dbt, if anybody's familiar with that. Um, these techniques can calm your nervous system.
Um, and it's really through taking feedback. This can be guided by, by a therapist. But there are also some takeaways that you, you can apply on your own. I just want to be really clear. I am not saying you only have to go to a therapist and I'm not saying you should just do it alone, right? Just to be clear, a common, a common DVT technique involves. So it's like, it's shortened to like tips.
But some things that we know affect our bodies directly.
That first one is T for temperature.
You can drastically lower your body temperature.
What that does, right, is it activates a reflex in our mammalian brains where it instantly slows down your heart rate, right? You can do this by splashing cold water on your face or holding onto an ice cube. We actually do have ice picks, ice packs in our centers for this, for this purpose. If we have someone who's really needing to kind of quickly stop what's happening, it is an actual physiological response. Once you splash that cold water, your heart rate slows down.
[00:06:47] Speaker A: The next one is paced breathing. So like you breathe in for four seconds, you hold it for four seconds and then you exhale slowly for six to eight seconds. And this tells your brain that you're safe.
[00:07:00] Speaker B: Yep. Because your inspiration is your body's going to feel that is almost like a trauma.
[00:07:06] Speaker A: Right.
[00:07:07] Speaker B: But your exhalation is like that relaxing piece. So making that exhalation longer forces your heart rate to slow down.
Most therapists will point out here that this is very effective, but it takes a long time.
[00:07:23] Speaker A: Right.
[00:07:25] Speaker B: The people. There's a lot of people who kind of are like, oh, that's slow breathing. Doesn't work for me. And it's really just because you haven't done it for a long enough time.
And also, practicing that is evidence, like, it's evidence based that if you practice this breathing technique daily when you need, will help your body calm down faster. Because it's used to doing.
There's another physiologically physiological.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:08:00] Speaker B: Now I can't say words today technique that is called pear muscle relaxation.
And that involves tensing a muscle group really tightly and then releasing it completely.
So sometimes people do that with, like, their hands or their feet.
I've worked with students that do that with, like, their toes because they can do it in their shoes and, like, nobody knows they're doing it.
Or, you know, it can be your hands and your desk. Like purposely tensing a muscle group and then completely relaxing it.
That can just really help. Again, it's slowing your heart rate down and it's telling your adrenaline to, like, take a break.
[00:08:51] Speaker A: Right.
And then parent pausing. That's basically taking a timeout. Right. You walk away from the triggering environment or conversation for 10 to 15 minutes and let your adrenaline just go down before you deal with anything.
[00:09:06] Speaker B: Absolutely. Right. You know, and that walk away could be paired with any of the other ones. Any of the other ones.
You know, choosing to walk away right now.
Yeah.
Cognitive grounding and distraction.
These tools interrupt rumination. Right. Those over and over and over. That.
[00:09:34] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:09:35] Speaker B: It forces your mind to focus on the present reality rather than an intense emotion.
[00:09:45] Speaker A: Yep.
So the five, four, three, two, one technique you name out loud, five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste.
Because, of course, I can't smell. I don't do the smelling part.
[00:10:04] Speaker B: Yes. It doesn't work if you have one of these senses is missing. But you can modify it. It.
[00:10:10] Speaker A: Yes, I have modified it to being more physically.
[00:10:14] Speaker B: Yeah. I find this incredibly effective.
[00:10:18] Speaker A: Right.
[00:10:19] Speaker B: It absolutely forces your brain, your cognitive part of your brain to just. Okay, we're. We are focusing on something different. Something different, exactly.
I, I really, through my own just personal therapy work, this one has Been very effective.
[00:10:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:41] Speaker B: For me.
[00:10:41] Speaker A: For me too.
[00:10:42] Speaker B: Yeah. It's a good one.
[00:10:44] Speaker A: This next one is not as effective
[00:10:45] Speaker B: for me, though, because one just frustrates me more.
[00:10:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Mental math. So to distract your brain count backwards from 100 by sevens or recite the
[00:10:55] Speaker B: Alphabet backwards, I find both of those actually very frustrating.
Even counting forwards by seven is hard, so let alone backwards. I know.
The trick is, you really want this task to actually be not hard to the point of frustration, but something that does make you actually have to think.
So even counting backwards by once, for me, anyway, that's actually a challenge.
[00:11:32] Speaker A: Me too.
[00:11:33] Speaker B: I think that would probably be enough to make me think.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: Right.
[00:11:38] Speaker B: It's just. It is forcing your brain to do a task that is simple enough that it can do it and not so frustrating.
[00:11:50] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:11:51] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:11:54] Speaker A: They call the next thing cold cognitive tasks, but basically, it's doing, like, a complex puzzle, reading a complex article, doing a crossword, organizing your space.
So basically, anything that causes you to use your cognitive processes.
[00:12:15] Speaker B: Yep.
Yeah. I actually find this one pretty effective too.
For me, it's like organizing my ingredients. Like, I do find, like, baking and cooking is an effective tool for me to, like, okay, change then. And so sometimes when I am like that, I'm like, I'm gonna lay out all the things I'm gonna need for this recipe, and that's kind of a good, like, cold kind of task.
[00:12:47] Speaker A: That makes sense.
[00:12:48] Speaker B: Yeah. If I'm home.
[00:12:53] Speaker A: So then we go to emotional processing. So after your calm.
[00:12:58] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:12:59] Speaker A: And your physical body is relaxed again, now you have to name it to tame it. Right. You need to label the specific emotion you're feeling and why it's making you feel that way and what you can do about it. Right.
[00:13:18] Speaker B: Yeah. And I think, like, that's.
It's really hard. Right. Like, I feel angry, not I am a failure.
[00:13:28] Speaker A: Right.
[00:13:30] Speaker B: You know, like, the I feel statements versus the I am something.
[00:13:36] Speaker A: Something.
Validating your experience.
Acknowledge yourself that you experience those emotions, and they're there for a reason, and it's okay to feel them.
[00:13:52] Speaker B: Right. Right. Like, just giving yourself permission. I. I feel like a broken record here, but I think us Midwestern dwellers, I think all of us actually have a very difficult time time because many of us were not raised in households that it was fine to acknowledge honestly any emotion, good, bad, or indifferent.
We're just good little Protestants, and we don't like to do that, honestly. And it's.
It's hard, Like, Yes. It's okay to feel those feelings, actually. Feelings.
[00:14:31] Speaker A: Our feelings.
[00:14:34] Speaker B: Right.
[00:14:35] Speaker A: And then Challenge the narrative. Right.
You need to ask yourself if it's a feeling or is it a fact.
And obviously negative thoughts should be changed into positive thoughts or balanced with objective ideas and perspectives.
[00:14:56] Speaker B: Exactly. Because like, sometimes you're not going to turn it. Like you're not going to turn a truly negative emotion. Like it actually might be telling you something that you need to know, but understanding, okay, what, what do I, what do I do with that? And how do I objectively tackle what I'm gonna do next so I'm not just stuck in this negative feedback loop.
[00:15:23] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:15:24] Speaker B: Which feels bad.
[00:15:25] Speaker A: It does.
So now how do you do long term regulation? Right.
I think there's lots of different things that you can do for long term regulation.
[00:15:40] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:15:40] Speaker A: You know, I think the number one thing is lifestyle has. Oh my gosh, habits.
[00:15:47] Speaker B: Like getting enough sleep.
[00:15:48] Speaker A: Nicole. Yeah.
[00:15:49] Speaker B: Which is not happening right now.
[00:15:52] Speaker A: Eating balanced meals, living in alcohol, you know, being able to be more physical so that your body just feels better.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:16:04] Speaker A: Those are all very important.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: It's though. And I think we kind of sleep on those. Like there is a lot about what to do when you're feeling these feelings or when your kid is having a meltdown or what do you do while you're dysregulated. And it's actually try to prevent it first. Right. Trying to set yourself up for success as much as it is possible.
And understanding that. I think we are experiencing a time in life too where we're so averse to being uncomfortable, so any feeling of discomfort is automatically catastrophized. It's like, well, actually that's normal and it should be happening. And humans are not designed to be comfortable all the time. That's not how we learn and grow.
Hate to be the bearer of that very bad news, but that's just not actually how we were designed.
[00:17:09] Speaker A: Another thing to do is practice mindfulness every day. There's so many apps out there now and just five minutes a day is enough to kind of keep you regulated for sure.
[00:17:20] Speaker B: I absolutely know when I am in the swing of things and I have a good mindfulness routine and when I am not doing it. And it absolutely makes a difference.
I'm a practicer of yoga. It has helped me, like physically in my body and mentally and all the things.
But when I'm not in the swing of it, I am not my best self. Like full, full on. It absolutely does help.
I used to be a runner and boy, when I was actually at the top of my game, my emotional regulation was also better.
I don't do that anymore.
[00:18:06] Speaker A: Some people journal and that's really helpful for them. Putting down all their emotions and explaining in the journal what they're feeling and why they're feeling it.
I used I. When I do this, I do the grateful list.
[00:18:22] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:18:23] Speaker A: You know what I'm grateful for every morning.
That's important too.
[00:18:28] Speaker B: Very much. You know, and it could be. That is such a simple shift.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: It is.
[00:18:35] Speaker B: And it's.
[00:18:36] Speaker A: And anybody can do it for like two minutes.
[00:18:39] Speaker B: Right.
[00:18:39] Speaker A: It's not even.
[00:18:40] Speaker B: Does not have to be formal. And I mean research shows it's better if you write it down, but you don't even have to. Just reflecting on things that you are.
Gratefulness, being outdoors, putting your feet in the grass.
Really, actually grounding, literally grounding is very powerful.
It can be difficult to do that in all weather. Right. Right now it's June in Wisconsin and this is the month. I forget that we also have January in Wisconsin.
[00:19:22] Speaker A: So we don't do that. We do not go barefoot in January.
[00:19:25] Speaker B: We do not go barefoot in January. That would be incredibly dangerous.
But in June we can. In June we can.
And even in like the not ideal temperatures, going outdoors and feeling the cold on your face, the cold on your face actually is.
While maybe not as pleasant as the beautiful June sun on our face, it actually does.
It actually is good for our bodies.
[00:19:56] Speaker A: I agree.
[00:19:57] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:19:59] Speaker A: Breathing techniques, those are always good for regulation.
And then obviously if it starts. If emotional dysregulation starts impacting your relationships, your work, your well being, going to a licensed therapist to help go through some things, it really is also a good option.
[00:20:22] Speaker B: It's a great option. And it does not have to be a long term.
[00:20:27] Speaker A: No.
[00:20:28] Speaker B: Often therapy is a few targeted sessions.
And it absolutely helps.
[00:20:38] Speaker A: Correct?
[00:20:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
Not always easy, but it absolutely helps.
[00:20:45] Speaker A: You weren't saying we were talking about easy snow, right?
[00:20:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Don't think it's just not going to be. It might be a little uncomfortable.
But I don't know. Sometimes what I tell my students who are going through it, like it's hard because it is hard. And the only way through is through.
[00:21:02] Speaker A: Yep, that is for sure.
[00:21:05] Speaker B: And sometimes just sitting in that knowledge actually helps. Like, oh, it's hard because it is hard. And the only way through is through.
And don't forget you have a village too, you know, like, exactly.
You know, sitting in that feeling of loneliness, I think can be so overwhelming. And I think a lot of us really feel that.
[00:21:30] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure.
[00:21:31] Speaker B: You know, and that's where those mindfulness and thankful, like gratitude Journals and those kind of things can help bring us out of it, you know, And a lot of what licensed therapists will say, too, is just doing very small actions that seem like they're not affecting things actually do. Correct. Because sometimes we just feel paralyzed. And it's like you feel crummy and you feel like you can't get out of bed, take a shower, you know, or if you can't take a shower, brush your teeth, brush your hair, you know, start with very basic things that you can do. And over time, it does make a difference.
Correct.
[00:22:18] Speaker A: So, Maggie, what's happening beyond dyslexia?
[00:22:21] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness. Well, it's such a good thing that we're talking about coping mechanisms because we are in the throes of summer.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: Yeah, we are.
[00:22:32] Speaker B: We are in the throes of summer, and we have a week of no summer school next week.
So I'm really thinking about what does that mean?
Because that is kind of a cornerstone of our summer routine. Right. It's something that you have to kind of get up for. It's like that perfect balance of it's a half a day.
[00:23:02] Speaker A: Right.
[00:23:02] Speaker B: It's all fun things that they like to do, but it's still a routine and something they have to do, and it helps us keep on track. So really glad that it is Friday as record this. And I'm worried about this for Monday. So obviously planning ahead and doing my very best.
Yeah. Don't know. My life's a little of a mess, but here we are.
That's why I have you.
What's going on for you, Nicole?
[00:23:37] Speaker A: Let's see.
Well, my daughter's been in camp this week and she was so funny because she said she likes to.
So it's a theater behind the scenes camp.
[00:23:51] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:23:52] Speaker A: She's like, mom, I don't really like this.
I would prefer to be an actress. And I was like, okay, well, at least you experienced something new.
[00:24:03] Speaker B: Right? All the things.
[00:24:05] Speaker A: And now you know.
[00:24:06] Speaker B: And now you know.
And that is on brand. That is on brand.
[00:24:11] Speaker A: It is very much on brand for me.
[00:24:13] Speaker B: That fit exactly.
Yeah. Where your other daughter would be like, heck, no.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: She'd be hiding somewhere.
[00:24:21] Speaker B: Yeah, she'd be like. She would be like, hiding in the
[00:24:24] Speaker A: back and not in the front. So it's funny how kids can experience something and find out something very important about themselves.
[00:24:35] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:24:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:36] Speaker B: I love that for her. That's so cool.
Well, thank you, everybody.
Please follow us on social media and reach out if you have any questions or you would like us to discuss a topic please, if you like our show, give us a rating and favorite follow us on your favorite podcast player.
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[00:25:00] Speaker A: Thank you.
