Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] Speaker A: Hi, I'm Maggie.
[00:00:06] Speaker B: And I'm Nicole. Welcome to the DAC Dyslexia and Coffee Podcast. We're so happy you could join us. We're both moms and dyslexia interventionists who want to talk about our students and children.
What dyslexia is, how it affects our kids, strategies to help and topics related to other learning disabilities will also be covered in this podcast.
Parents are not alone, and we want to give voice to the concerns and struggles we are all having.
This is a safe place to learn more about how to help our children grow and succeed in school, in the world. Grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the conversation.
[00:00:41] Speaker A: Hi, everybody.
So we'd like to start our episodes here with the concept of the week, which is our opportunity as practitioners to kind of teach about things. Either we're teaching our students or things that we think are really important concepts that parents really need to understand.
So today's concept of the week is routine.
So what is a routine? A routine is a sequence of actions that is regularly followed.
So somewhat of a fixed program.
So regular procedures are routine.
[00:01:27] Speaker B: So episode 55 is how to handle changes in routine.
[00:01:34] Speaker A: Don't turn us off. Don't turn us off.
I don't want to hear it either. I don't like disruptions or changes in my routine.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:01:43] Speaker A: At all.
[00:01:46] Speaker B: So this affects every family?
[00:01:48] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:01:49] Speaker B: It doesn't matter who you are.
For kids with adhd, autism, dyslexia, or other learning differences, routine is often provides them that structure predictability.
So when that routine shifts, like a new teacher having doctor's appointment during the middle of the day, a canceled soccer practice, or even something like dinner being later than usual, that can feel very overwhelming to our students.
[00:02:19] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:02:21] Speaker B: So we'll talk about why change is tough and how to prepare kids for it and what to do when things don't go as planned.
[00:02:30] Speaker A: Which, if you listen to our summer.
[00:02:31] Speaker B: Series, you know that our summer didn't go as planned.
[00:02:36] Speaker A: No.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: At all.
[00:02:38] Speaker A: At all.
Let's start with why. All right. Why is change so hard?
Many neurodiverse kids, they rely on those routines because they reduce uncertainty.
Routine, there's that sense of safety.
[00:02:56] Speaker B: Right.
[00:02:56] Speaker A: I know what is happening. I know what's next, and I know how to respond.
[00:03:01] Speaker B: Correct.
But then when that predictability is interrupted, their brains go into that flight or flight mode.
And for some of these kids, that looks like anxiety.
For others, it might look like anger, refusals, or maybe a big meltdown.
[00:03:18] Speaker A: Absolutely.
It's really important to remember that this isn't your Child being difficult. Right. This is their nervous. Their nervous system saying, like, I don't feel safe.
[00:03:30] Speaker B: Correct.
And then that perspective, seeing behavior as communication changes, how we can respond. Absolutely.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: Here we say very clearly. That doesn't mean that I just accept my children's behavior because they're having a tough time. Those are two very different things.
[00:03:52] Speaker B: Right.
[00:03:53] Speaker A: I can recognize them as a strategy to communicate and still not tolerate the behavior itself.
[00:04:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
So how do you prepare for expected changes?
[00:04:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
So when we can. So when a change is something that we know is going to happen, here are some strategies we can help our kids. Right.
We can give advanced notice to our kids.
If bedtime will be later because of an event that's happening, you can let your child know that tonight bedtime will be at 9 instead of 8 because we have baseball.
It helps set them up for success. Right. Giving them that little piece of information.
And you can decide when.
[00:04:49] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: You know, some kids do pretty well with kind of a preview of their day overall.
[00:04:56] Speaker B: Some need it a little closer.
[00:04:58] Speaker A: Yes. I need it a little closer to one. Whatever is happening is going on.
[00:05:05] Speaker B: Something that really helps is using visuals like a calendar, countdowns, picture schedules. They really help kids see what's happening and not just hear it. Because like our previous episode, you know, that developmental language receptive sometimes can be a little bit behind. And if they can't understand it or they don't hear it, especially something like.
[00:05:28] Speaker A: A calendar or like assignment notebook or something. If there's something changing, those calendars, those assignment notebooks, those countdowns, those are things that we use as functioning adults all the time.
To the point where I don't function without it. Yes, without it. Right. I mean, it's like in our house, if it is not on the calendar, it's not happening.
[00:05:54] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:05:54] Speaker A: If it did not make it there, then it's not happening.
[00:05:57] Speaker B: So we've kind of forgotten things because of that.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: Oh, big time. If it doesn't make it to there, it's not happening.
[00:06:04] Speaker B: Yep, Yep.
Tell the story of the change, like, walk them through what will happen step by step.
For example, we're going to the dentist. So first we have to check in. Then you're sitting in the chair, then you'll get your teeth cleaned and then you go head home.
[00:06:23] Speaker A: So especially if it's something that's just going to be a little bit different for the day. Right. Having that kind of baseline expectation for how does it go.
Try not to provide a ton of detail here.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:06:40] Speaker A: Pro tip, keep this very broad because if you have Told them we're gonna check in with the receptionist, Sally. She sits in the middle desk. And then we're gonna write these papers.
[00:06:55] Speaker B: Sally's off that day.
[00:06:56] Speaker A: Oh, boy, oh boy, oh boy. It's a hot mess.
So keep this really broad.
It's just kind of a common trap. I see families kind of fall into is like, oh, we think more information is better always.
And not true.
Sometimes more information just more, not better.
You know, practice flexibility in small ways. Right. Play games where the rules change.
Have a mystery night once a week when dinner or activity is a. I mean, it doesn't have to be once a week, but it builds that tolerance for. For change in low stakes situations.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:07:46] Speaker A: You know, do something that slightly messes with your kid's routine on a regular basis. It really is one of the best.
[00:07:58] Speaker B: Life is not routine.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: Exactly.
Exactly. Which kind of brings us to like now how do we handle unexpected changes?
[00:08:07] Speaker B: Right. So of course, not all change can be planned for. Right. Sometimes the bus is late, the teacher is absent, the play date gets canceled. Your kids are sick.
In those moments, your response matters most.
[00:08:23] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely.
That's the bad news. The bad news is our response matters a lot.
[00:08:31] Speaker B: So the most important thing is to say, stay calm yourself so your child will mirror your emotion.
If you're panicked, they'll feel it too.
And sometimes I'm really good at this and sometimes I'm not.
[00:08:44] Speaker A: Same, same. Because we're all human beings here.
[00:08:47] Speaker B: Right? Right.
[00:08:49] Speaker A: You know, validate their feelings. Right. I know this isn't what you expected.
That's really frustrating. Know, calling it by the emotions name Right again, I kind of think back to our summer series.
We did kind of that episode on naming emotions and getting that skill for our kids and how that could be really incredible.
[00:09:17] Speaker B: Right.
Another thing you can do is offer choices.
So even small choices give a sense of control.
The soccer game is canceled, but we can go to the park or we can play a board game. Which would you prefer?
[00:09:33] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, and again, those choices are things that you have to be okay with.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: Right. There need to be choices that you can actually do. Like if the game was canceled because it rained, you're probably not going to.
[00:09:42] Speaker A: Offer, you're not going to the park.
[00:09:45] Speaker B: But just saying that could be right. There could have been another reason why it was canceled, but.
[00:09:49] Speaker A: Right. But it's definitely, you know. Yeah. If you can kind of give your kid back just a little bit of control and even your own sanity, that's great.
[00:09:59] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: You know, have a backup routine. Right. So sometimes families Keep kind of a plan B. We talked about plan B a lot this summer of lifts, of kind of go to activities when things fall apart.
So, you know, if soccer is canceled because of rain, okay. We have two different board games that we could play. You know, that kind of like merges having a backup routine and giving a kid choice.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:10:33] Speaker A: But it is.
It is helpful to have already introduced plan B to our kids.
If you didn't listen to that summer series, it is worth a listen.
[00:10:47] Speaker B: It is.
[00:10:48] Speaker A: We go into detail on that big time there.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: And the message is really that change happens, and we have to give them that message and that we can handle it together.
[00:11:01] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. Because it is inevitable.
[00:11:04] Speaker B: Right.
[00:11:06] Speaker A: And it's.
We can handle it. Doesn't mean we're cool. This is great.
Everybody feels happy. It means we adjusted. We made it through.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:21] Speaker A: You know, here's our reminder, right. That flexibility is a skill. And like all skills, it can be taught and practiced again. You know, that summer series on flexibility, we went into how to teach flexibility, how to model and practice the skill for our kids.
So kind of some highlights from that.
First of all, modeling flexibility.
So let your kids see you handle changes.
I wanted to make spaghetti, but we're out of noodles. All right, let's pivot. Let's make tacos instead.
[00:12:00] Speaker B: I would actually prefer the tacos, but that's just me.
[00:12:04] Speaker A: This is hard.
[00:12:05] Speaker B: This is hard.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: I do love a taco sometimes. I'm in the mood for a good spaghetti, too. I don't know. Too hard.
[00:12:12] Speaker B: It is hard.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: Too hard of a choice.
But, I mean, in our house, this modeling flexibility, I don't have to go out of my way to model flexibility.
My life is one that just.
Okay, we're pivoting. We're pivoting. We're doing something different. Okay, here we go.
[00:12:38] Speaker B: Another thing to do is praise flexible behavior. So when your child adapts, even a small boy pointed out, you know, you rolled with that change really well. I'm very proud of you.
[00:12:50] Speaker A: Yeah, that's big. That can really, really help reinforce that as a skill.
[00:12:55] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:12:57] Speaker A: You know, use stories and characters. Right. Kids often learn from examples in books and shows, so you can talk about how a character handled change.
Something we did say again in that summer series was a lot of those, especially child programming.
Right. A lot of the central story is something unexpected happened, and how are the characters going to deal with the change? I mean, that's part of that programming for a reason.
It's developmentally sound, but it's also great and very helpful. For a parent, when you're like, hey, that show is kind of all about that.
[00:13:42] Speaker B: Interesting.
[00:13:44] Speaker A: How did they handle that unexpected thing?
[00:13:53] Speaker B: Practice. Problem solving is another one. So play what if games. Right. What if it rains during our picnic? What could we do instead?
How would we feel? Sometimes it's also just talking about the feelings that we're going to have.
[00:14:06] Speaker A: Oh, very much.
[00:14:07] Speaker B: Especially something that's been planned for a long time that we really, really, really want to do.
[00:14:11] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:14:13] Speaker B: And then something happens, you know, that they're going to be feeling those big emotions right away.
[00:14:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:19] Speaker B: So talk about them.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: Absolutely. You know, and I. You can kind of share your own. I mean, I was supposed to have lunch last week with a friend that we couldn't do it. And, you know, have not seen this person in like a month.
You know, it was. I truly was. I wasn't making it up for my kids at all. It was like, wow, I'm really sad I didn't get to see my friend today. I was really looking forward to it.
But we have something scheduled for next week. You know, kind of that definitely it's okay for them to know that you also are a human with emotions.
I'd say that's actually pretty critical if we can communicate that to our kids.
[00:15:02] Speaker B: And really, the more chances they have to practice flexibility, the easier it can become over time. Exactly.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: Because it's any other skill.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: Right.
You got to teach it explicitly and practice, practice, practice.
[00:15:18] Speaker A: That's the frustrating part. Right.
I wish it was just information.
Our job would be so easy.
You know, something to consider too. Right. Does your child need some kind of support or accommodations around this?
[00:15:38] Speaker B: Right.
[00:15:39] Speaker A: If changes in routine are consistently.
Right. If we're consistently tied to big meltdowns, anxiety that is difficult to deal with.
You know, it may be worth adding some supports here.
[00:15:57] Speaker B: Correct.
In school, accommodations can include a visual schedule or advance notice for transitions at home. Keeping a consistent anchor like bedtime stories or nightly check in that helps with during the day changes.
And some kids, they're gonna have to work with somebody that's a professional, like an occupational therapist or a counselor to help them with these strategies.
Because sometimes we just need help.
[00:16:34] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, sometimes it's turning to a person who it is their professional job to help build these skills. And our kids, you know, remember that this is scaffolding. Right. So we're just trying to build in the supports that our kids need to be successful.
[00:17:04] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:17:04] Speaker A: Yep.
So some kind of key takeaways from this episode. Things that kind of keep top of mind change Is hard because it disrupts the sense of safety that routine provides.
[00:17:19] Speaker B: Yep.
Preparing kids with advanced notice visuals and step by step explanations help for unexpected changes.
Change.
[00:17:31] Speaker A: Trying to stay calm in the moment, validating feelings and offering choices can make a really big difference.
[00:17:42] Speaker B: Flexibility is a skill, and like any skill, it can be modeled, practiced, and praised.
[00:17:48] Speaker A: You know, supports at school and at home can help smooth transitions and reduce stress. It can make accessing this skill a lot better for our kids.
[00:18:05] Speaker B: And most importantly, remember this. Your child doesn't need to handle every change perfectly.
They just need to know that you'll be there, you'll be steady and supportive. And when things are feeling uncertain for them.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: Yeah, you know, and a good reminder to all of us as well.
[00:18:22] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:18:24] Speaker A: If you are not handling change well, you are not alone.
You are the majority.
[00:18:31] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:18:32] Speaker A: And so it's okay to just as important as trying to stay calm in the morning or the morning. Well, them too. The morning as well.
I meant moment. But just as important as kind of staying calm and handling those moments.
If you don't. Right. Let's say you have a change and you don't handle it well. Being able to come to your kids later.
[00:19:01] Speaker B: Right.
[00:19:01] Speaker A: And really process that with them. You know, Mommy did not handle that well. You heard some words come out of mommy that you should not say at school.
[00:19:13] Speaker B: Mommy had a big emotion.
[00:19:14] Speaker A: Mommy had a big emotion. Mommy had a really tough time there. Um, but, you know, it's not okay for mom to do that. But here we are. We're going to make a different plan and we're going to move forward. That is just as important as them watching us in the first place.
[00:19:31] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:19:33] Speaker A: So.
[00:19:37] Speaker B: So, Maggie, what's happening outside of dyslexia?
[00:19:40] Speaker A: Yeah, so my outside of dyslexia today is just the fact that it is September.
I cannot believe it's September.
[00:19:50] Speaker B: Me neither.
[00:19:51] Speaker A: We have a lot of really, really exciting things happening at the family level, at the business level.
I do actually really like this time of year. Fall is my favorite season for sure. This morning it feels like fall.
It's got that crisp air, but it's gonna be nice during the day. It's like just perfect. Sweet spot.
So I'm excited for September. I'm actually feeling pretty ready for this school year, which usually I come to a school year going, we're not ready at all.
Here we are.
So this is new for me, I guess, in a good way.
[00:20:36] Speaker B: But we'll see.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: The wheels might come all the way off the bus next week, but today I'm Feeling pretty good.
What about you?
[00:20:47] Speaker B: Well, I mean, I think, like you mentioned, there's a lot of stuff going on in the business. We're hiring a whole bunch of people.
[00:20:54] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:20:55] Speaker B: And that has definitely increased my need for flexibility.
Being in different locations, being able to, you know, do onboarding and explain how we work.
[00:21:12] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:21:12] Speaker B: We've also kind of made some changes in our kind of dynamics of the business, which has been very exciting by promoting a couple people and giving help where we need leaders. And that has, for me, been very hard. I think Maggie would definitely tell you that this is hard for me to let go of some things, but when you get to a point, you kind of have to let go of some things. So.
[00:21:44] Speaker A: Because Nicole is the queen of.
[00:21:46] Speaker B: This business, according to Maggie's daughter, that is my title, which is kind of funny, but also sometimes.
So just knowing that there's all these different changes and routines and transitions, and my children has been watching me practice quite a bit.
[00:22:07] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:22:08] Speaker B: One day I think I'm going to one location and I end up going somewhere else.
And so I'm really practicing my flexibility this time of year.
[00:22:18] Speaker A: It's a dreaded effort. I mean, they're not wrong about it. It's really hard.
[00:22:22] Speaker B: It's really hard.
[00:22:23] Speaker A: It's really hard.
[00:22:24] Speaker B: So basically, that's been taking over everything right now.
[00:22:29] Speaker A: It has.
[00:22:31] Speaker B: It really has. Yes.
[00:22:32] Speaker A: It is a new season.
[00:22:34] Speaker B: It is a new season. Yep.
[00:22:36] Speaker A: Thank you, everybody. Please follow us on social media and reach out if you have any questions and would like us to discuss a topic. If you do like our show, please be sure to follow and give us a rating on your favorite podcast player. This is how we reach more listeners and we get to help our families. Thank you, everybody.
[00:22:54] Speaker B: Thank you.
