Episode 53-How to Handle Homework

[00:00:06] Speaker A: Hi, I'm Maggie. [00:00:07] Speaker B: And I'm Nicole. Welcome to the DAC Dyslexia and Coffea Podcast. We are so happy you could join us. We're both moms and dyslexia interventionists who want to talk about our students and children. What dyslexia is, how it affects our kids, strategies to help and topics related to other learning disabilities will also be covered in this podcast. Parents are not alone, and we want to give voice to the concerns and struggle we are all having. This is a safe place to learn more about how to help our children grow and succeed in school, in the world. Grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the conversation. [00:00:41] Speaker A: Hi, everybody. We're going to start today with the concept of the week. Today's concept of the week is accommodation. This is actually a review, but always worth a revisit. An accommodation is a change or adjustment in the learning environment, either the instruction or testing. Accommodations that provide students with a disability equal access to the curriculum. It's a way for them to demonstrate their skills and knowledge on the same basis as their peers. So we're not altering the core curriculum, and we're not altering the learning objectives or reducing academic rigor when we're introducing accommodations. This is still probably the most frequently asked question I get after an assessment. Okay, what about accommodations? What is an accommodation? And what is appropriate for my child? So it's a really big one, and it is actually difficult to understand exactly what an accommodation is. [00:01:57] Speaker B: Correct? I would agree with that. [00:01:58] Speaker A: So always worth a revisit. [00:02:00] Speaker B: Yes, definitely. Especially at the beginning of the school year. [00:02:03] Speaker A: Yes. [00:02:05] Speaker B: All right, so welcome to episode 53, how to handle homework. Oh. So today's topic of Finn brings a lot of stress and tension to families. [00:02:21] Speaker A: Homework, Homework. For many children, especially those with adhd, dyslexia, autism, any other learning difference, homework can feel overwhelming, frustrating, and even defeating. But it doesn't have to be a nightly battle in your home. So today we're going to share some strategies, right. To help you handle homework in a way that reduces the stress, builds your child's confidence, and keeps your relationship strong. We're not looking for perfection here, people. [00:03:01] Speaker B: Nope. Nope. So let's reframe how we think about homework. For neurodiverse kids, homework is rarely just about academics. It often taps into those executive functioning skills, you know, like those organization, those planning, time management, initiation of tasks, and emotional regulation that may not come naturally to our students and children. Yeah. [00:03:31] Speaker A: So when your child struggles, it's not because they're lazy or avoiding work. It's often because the task demands more from their brain that they have available in that moment. Remember that if we're talking about homework, probably your child has been at, you know, school all day. [00:03:51] Speaker B: Right. [00:03:51] Speaker A: Where they have had a lot of both academic and emotional demands put on them all day. So we are going to expect our kids to struggle with homework. All children are going to struggle with homework to some extent. [00:04:13] Speaker B: Correct. So a main thing that we can talk about, talk to our children about and know for ourselves is we can make this a mind shift, a mindset shift. Right. So homework is practice, not proof. Yeah. It's meant to reinforce learning, not measure your child's worth or intelligence. Yeah. [00:04:40] Speaker A: I mean, that's a huge. [00:04:42] Speaker B: It is a big, huge shift. Yeah. [00:04:43] Speaker A: And I think not for nothing, a lot of us parents, when we're helping our kids with homework, it brings up our own childhood trauma. Right, Right. It brings up every argument we had with our parent about homework or just how hard it was. It brings up all those feelings for us. And so if that's happening to you while you're trying to battle your own kid, first, their homework, it's just. It's a recipe for very difficult relational things between you and your kid. So reframing for not only our kids, but for ourselves, that this is just practice. It is not proof of anything. But this worksheet in front of us, that's it. You know, when we can hold on to that perspective, it's so much easier to meet your child with empathy instead of frustration. [00:05:51] Speaker B: So you can do some things to set up your family for success. So picking the right time, you know, some kids really need that break after school before starting homework, and others do best to dive right in. This is where you have to kind of really know your child's learning style and kind of figure out, okay, if I let them wander away to do some fun stuff and then come bring them back, is that going to be more difficult for them or is. Do their. Does their brain need that break? A little snack maybe, and then some downtime before that they can dive right in? [00:06:28] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely. You know, and however many kids you have in your house, that's how many times you have to make that decision for them. [00:06:36] Speaker B: Yes. So different. [00:06:37] Speaker A: They're all so different. I mean, I. My two kids, I would pick very different structures for. So that can be hard because you do. You have to kind of know your kid. [00:06:53] Speaker B: Right. And then after you know them, you need to kind of build around that knowledge. Right. So maybe your child needs a snack. And then right to homework. Maybe your other child needs like a 30 minute break and then homework. Maybe another one needs no break at all and can sit there with a snack. [00:07:20] Speaker A: And yeah, some kids can handle that simultaneously and some kids can't because some. [00:07:25] Speaker B: Of that is really stimulating for them or. [00:07:29] Speaker A: Yes. [00:07:30] Speaker B: You know, having that in their mouth is actually helping them concentrate on their task. [00:07:35] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely. My son is a gum chewer. [00:07:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:39] Speaker A: That really does help him focus. Focus. [00:07:43] Speaker B: Yep. [00:07:44] Speaker A: Definitely. You know, most kids are gonna need a snack after school. [00:07:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:51] Speaker A: Just. [00:07:52] Speaker B: Cause they're, you know, and they're growing and it's been a while since lunch. [00:07:56] Speaker A: It's something I used to kind of resist. And someone I don't even remember who, a different mom friend I think said like, no, no, no. The game is always feed the bears. And it's really true. It's like, oh, okay. It has helped. It has really helped reduce the. Especially after school, immediately as I'm coming home, they're coming home. [00:08:23] Speaker B: Right. [00:08:24] Speaker A: I mean, yeah, feed the bears. It's okay. It's good. Yes, has helped. Something else that can really help too is creating a homework zone. Right. So it doesn't need to be like a full desk setup. It could be the kitchen table. It could be a cozy corner. The goal is kind of a consistent spot with as few distractions as possible. This is a really research backed idea. Our brains do learn way better if it is used to accessing that information. There it is. Why universities, when they schedule exams, if. If you have spent your whole class in this certain lecture hall and you have to go to a different lecture hall to take an exam, it has been statistically proven that those students actually do worse on their exam than students who took them where they're used to getting the information. So having a really consistent spot that is. Hint, hint, not a. Not a bedroom. Ideally, it is also statistically proven that kids who do homework in bed do not do as well on it. So ideally it's someplace that is consistent and they know it's homework there. [00:09:57] Speaker B: Yes, I agree. [00:09:59] Speaker A: Yeah. For us, this is the kitchen table for the most part. [00:10:03] Speaker B: Us too. Well, our dining room, Our kitchen doesn't have a table because it's too small. But we have a dining room table and we just set them all up. And because most of them need us to be there. [00:10:15] Speaker A: Yep. [00:10:16] Speaker B: We have to. We sit with them. [00:10:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:19] Speaker B: And that's something else that you need to know about your student. Right. Can they do their homework and then move on or do they need somebody to keep them on task? [00:10:29] Speaker A: Yep, definitely. You know, two, it's gonna vary by student. But something some area of your home where you are as well. Even if your kid maybe doesn't appear like they need help. Generally being accessible to your kid during this time is developmentally really sound. [00:10:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Another thing to do is to keep tools handle handy. Oh my goodness. Like your pencils, your paper, your highlighters, your calculators. What the child needs to complete their homework should be in one place so that you, they don't lose momentum. You don't lose momentum. There's not a. Oh, I think that might be under my bed. [00:11:21] Speaker A: Why? [00:11:21] Speaker B: I don't know where, why everything goes under the beds, to be honest with you. But that's where we usually find things. [00:11:26] Speaker A: I mean in all kinds of ridiculous places. But yeah, having that stuff in one spot, the kids know exactly where it is. It really helps avoid a lot of the like. But I don't have what I need. [00:11:44] Speaker B: True. [00:11:45] Speaker A: You know, it could be used as a real distractor. [00:11:50] Speaker B: Correct. [00:11:51] Speaker A: They don't have what they need to complete their homework right there, right in front of them. [00:11:59] Speaker B: Another thing you could do is use timers within breaks, like the 103 rule. 10 minutes of work for the 3 minute break. This makes big assignments feel more manageable and prevents burnout. Sometimes if, you know, like our son came home with like three answers that he didn't finish. I'm not going to do that with the timer. [00:12:19] Speaker A: Right. [00:12:19] Speaker B: It only took him two minutes to do it. [00:12:22] Speaker A: Yes. [00:12:22] Speaker B: And it didn't really make sense. But my daughter who was studying for a test. Yeah, that makes more sense. [00:12:29] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, I, I really like this as a strategy for most kids. Yeah, most kids do great with that. And you know, you have to adjust it too. Right. So we're saying 10 minutes on three minute break. [00:12:49] Speaker B: Right. [00:12:49] Speaker A: It might be five minutes on one minute break or it might be 20. [00:12:54] Speaker B: Minutes on one minute break because they're older. Right? [00:12:57] Speaker A: Yes. It really, it really depends. But it has. Again, this is a tool with a lot of research back. [00:13:09] Speaker B: Unless your student or child is very anxious with a timer, which then maybe the timer is not a great idea. But you know that about your child. [00:13:18] Speaker A: You know that about your child. And even those kids who are extremely anxious about timers, having them set one for themselves can be a great end around that because then it's not like in there. It's a different process. It's a different process than like this is my 10 minute study time, this is my 3 minute break. It's much different than I have to finish these 20 minutes, you know, these 20 problems in 10 minutes. That's not how we are using a timer here. [00:13:51] Speaker B: Correct. [00:13:52] Speaker A: At all. This is a. Let's structure our time. And it can also really reduce that kid's overall anxiety related to timers. If they're used to using it in a really constructive way. That's a really great way to kind of move past a lot of that time anxiety. [00:14:13] Speaker B: I wouldn't work on both things at the same time, though. [00:14:17] Speaker A: You can't work at the. Well, you can't. You can't. But it is one of those things that. Okay, what is the purpose of this assignment? What are we doing right now? [00:14:27] Speaker B: Correct. [00:14:28] Speaker A: And if it's not something that's overly taxing, then it's. Then it's okay, Then let's try it a strategy, and let's try it with something else that's not so emotionally bound up first. Yeah. [00:14:43] Speaker B: So working with your child's brain, let's think of some strategies that may align with the neurodiverse brains and what they work and what works best with them. So the first idea is chunk the work. Instead of write a paragraph, break it down for them, have them brainstorm ideas, write the first sentence, add one detail at a time, structuring it so that they're not overwhelmed. As soon as they look at something really helps. [00:15:13] Speaker A: It helps a lot. You know, and sometimes that is done for the students, but often it is not. It's also a good way to see, are they on the way to be able to do this for themselves? Are they on the. Are they on their way to go? Oh, okay. Step one, let's get some brainstorming done. Step two, you know, and if they're not, it's a great, good gut check for a parent. Okay. This is something my kid probably struggles with, and this is something we have to work on because it's necessary to complete really any skill. We all do this, whether it's formal or informal. [00:15:57] Speaker B: Correct. [00:15:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Another one has to make it multi. Sensory. Right. You know, we love that here. You know, for a child with dyslexia, reading instructions out loud or using colored pens or highlighters can make a huge difference. You know, for kids with adhd, using movement. Right. Standing while working, bouncing on a yoga ball. Any number of productive, you know, productive things. Anytime we're making something multisensory, we're increasing connections in the brain. [00:16:41] Speaker B: Right. [00:16:42] Speaker A: And we should really be thinking about that in a homework setting. [00:16:48] Speaker B: Right. And maybe that's their break. Right. Especially with. To help with focus for somebody using movement, those breaks might have to be a movement break. [00:16:57] Speaker A: Yep. [00:17:02] Speaker B: Using technology wisely. So using your speech to text tools, audiobooks, or apps that block distractions can level the playing field. So, you know, while they're reading the book, maybe the audiobook is playing. Having, like apps that help with grammar or spelling can help. Speech to text is something that we've talked about before that might help get their ideas onto the paper in a way that's more organized versus sometimes their brains are going so fast that they are thinking two sentences ahead of what they're actually writing. And then that can make it a little bit rough. [00:17:50] Speaker A: Yes. You know, and then they kind of go, oh, my gosh, I don't even know what I was trying to say there. You know, and then they lose it. The overall fatigue factor, too. Remember that if it's homework time, our kids are probably not at their peak. Correct. And it is a good time to use accommodations. It's also a good time to check in. If our child has some technology accommodations and they're not using them during homework, that is a good temperature check for a parent. I wonder why that is. Are they. What are they? Makes me wonder are they using them in school or not? Probably not. Because if they're not using them for homework, it's unlikely that they're using them at school. So it's information that can help me investigate what is going on for my child and how can we build in some of those routines and homework, which for the most part is lower stakes than something they're producing in the classroom. [00:18:55] Speaker B: Right. Collaborate, but don't control. So ask maybe do you want to start with math or reading or give choices that helps your child feel ownership instead of resistance. Because if you're already telling them what to do, they're already going to push back. So you have to kind of work with, you know, collaboration and kind of. See. [00:19:21] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, and kind of remember. Right. Your child has been at school all day. [00:19:28] Speaker B: Right. [00:19:28] Speaker A: And school is a highly controlled environment because they have to be right. They are telling your kids what to do from the second they walk into those doors to after they have already left the school building for the day because they have to. Home needs to feel different than school for your kids. You know, and when we're saying, give your kids choices, they all have to be choices you're fine with. You don't give choices to your kids that you're not okay with or, you know, they can't handle. [00:20:05] Speaker B: Or do you want to do your homework or do you not want to, right? [00:20:09] Speaker A: Are you ready to do your homework now? Is not a good question to be asking. Your kids are always going to say. [00:20:14] Speaker B: Like, no. [00:20:21] Speaker A: You know, something really important, like, it is okay to help your kids. Supporting your kid doesn't mean that you're doing the work for them. Means that you're scaffolding. Right. You're giving them little, like a little ladder to climb up on, you know, giving them enough support for them to succeed and then gradually pulling back to be more independent. I want to clarify what I mean, though. I don't mean we should be completing assignments for our kids. Absolutely not. That is not appropriate. And if you're finding that you're having to do this daily for your child. Right. If it's every single math assignment, they need you to chunk it out for them. They need to talk it out with you. They need extra explanation. It is time to have a conversation with your child's teacher. [00:21:24] Speaker B: Correct. [00:21:26] Speaker A: Because homework should be practicing your child, like practicing concepts your child already knows or has been exposed to. You know, we can kind of think of homework as like a little thermometer. If my kid is doing pretty well on their homework and they're able to be mostly independent, okay. Then they are able to practice what they've been exposed to in class. But if my child is needing much more explanation, if they're needing a lot of cues from me, if they're needing extra help, that's kind of above and beyond, just like a retell. That's. That is an area that we need to be collaborating with the teacher about. Because the teacher isn't going to know that. [00:22:24] Speaker B: Right. [00:22:24] Speaker A: They're not going to know what your kid is doing at home. So that is a time to approach the teacher with a, hey, how long should this assignment be taking, by the way? You know, and if they're like, you know, 20 minutes and your kid has spent two hours on it. Okay, let's have a conversation. [00:22:49] Speaker B: Right? What's going on? [00:22:50] Speaker A: What's going on? And most teachers are absolutely going to approach that with the level of, okay, let's figure it out with this kid. Because no. Especially a young kid. There is almost no research that supports any more than 30 minutes of homework for an elementary age kid. There is more research on middle and high school kids that homework is absolutely tied to higher levels of academic success in a middle school and high school kid, but not at elementary school level. So if your elementary schooler is spending two hours on homework, that's a systems problem. [00:23:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Keeping the peace. Homework battles Often come down to emotions. So let's talk about protecting your relationship with your child. So like, notice their signals. If your child is on a verge of a meltdown, pushing harder is not going to help. The best choice would be to stop, reset, and try later. We had this problem with our oldest the longest time, but she was given homework that wasn't to her ability. And the push back, she didn't understand it. [00:24:16] Speaker A: Yes. [00:24:16] Speaker B: And we were trying to get her to do it, but it wasn't appropriate. So then the pushback would just have everybody on the verge of a meltdown because it just. You couldn't. We couldn't do that. And so until we talked to the. [00:24:34] Speaker A: School. [00:24:36] Speaker B: You know, it wasn't appropriate for her and you know, everybody, it was just not a good situation. [00:24:45] Speaker A: I feel like this is one of those parent things that I have to remind, be reminded of every day. Like, okay, it's okay to take a step back. [00:24:54] Speaker B: Yes. [00:24:56] Speaker A: Pushing harder here is not going to help. [00:24:59] Speaker B: Right. [00:25:02] Speaker A: Let's think about what the purpose of this is. And no, I'm not willing to sacrifice my relationship with my kid to get that work sheet done. Like, that is just not. No thanks. That's not an even trade. Exactly. And I'm. I'm not doing it. [00:25:23] Speaker B: No, exactly. And remember to praise effort, not just the results. So like even small wins, celebrate. Like, I love how you focused for 10 minutes today. Or good job asking for help when you needed it. Yeah. I mean, because those are things that you build your child's confidence up with. And also they can relate it back to, you know, asking for help with the teacher later. [00:25:48] Speaker A: Absolutely. And like, let's think about why we even do homework in the first place. We do homework so that we can increase our stamina for things that are hard. We do homework to practice skills that we need to have more exposure to. Those are the skills that translate into adulthood. Right. So being able to do those things to independence, that's the true purpose of homework. [00:26:15] Speaker B: Correct. [00:26:16] Speaker A: It's not. Did they do their math works correctly? Like, no. That's actually a very small part of it. [00:26:24] Speaker B: And know when enough is enough. If homework is consistently taking hours, it's time to advocate reach out to teachers about modifying the assignments or getting accommodations like reduced workload. Basically, we did that with our oldest. We said we're not doing homework anymore with her because this is not appropriate. And we don't feel like this is what we are, what she needs to learn right now. And it's too long, it's too much. [00:26:54] Speaker A: I mean, we also did a version of that last year with the Baggie books. They were coming home. They were not texts that were aligned with the skills that he was working on in terms of reading. And I said, nope, we're gonna do this instead. I'm gonna work with him these sounds, I'm gonna work with him on these kind of concepts, and that will count as his, you know, reading for the night. This is how we're going to approach this. And yeah, definitely. It was well received. It was well received. [00:27:40] Speaker B: And if you don't know what to do, you know, sometimes, you know, when you're a parent, you don't know what you can ask. Yeah, just bring up the conversation. [00:27:53] Speaker A: Yes. You know, you don't have to handle this alone. You're not meant to. Right, right. This is not meant to be handled alone. You know, this is a time to practice some advocacy skills so you can be a partner with your child's teacher. You know, these teachers, often they want to support, but they need to know what's happening at home. [00:28:19] Speaker B: Right. [00:28:20] Speaker A: Just like we don't have a window into the classroom often. [00:28:23] Speaker B: Correct. [00:28:24] Speaker A: They don't have a window into our home either. [00:28:26] Speaker B: Yes. [00:28:27] Speaker A: So a healthy collaboration goes both ways. You know, you can send a quick email. Right. We tried this assignment, but after 45 minutes, my child was in tears. Can we addressed or do you have any thoughts? Very open ended message to a teacher versus we're not doing it. [00:28:55] Speaker B: Right. [00:28:55] Speaker A: You know, there is definitely a tone that you want to set in this regard. Sometimes a teacher will send home an assignment and they're trying to get a gut check on the whole class. So they want to see who got it and who didn't and how much is completed. [00:29:14] Speaker B: Right. [00:29:15] Speaker A: So we may not know always what the teacher's kind of purpose for certain things that they're sending home. And sometimes it's just information for them. So really keeping it open ended helps build that rapport between you and the teacher. [00:29:36] Speaker B: And also check your child's accommodations or iep Extra time, reduced homework or alternate formats can make a huge difference. And remember, advocacy is not complaining. It's ensuring that your child gets what they need to learn. [00:29:51] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. So kind of some key takeaways from this episode. I think it helps to kind of hear bullet points. All right, what should we take away from what we're learning? Let's help our brains put it in practice. You know, number one, we have to reframe homework. Right. It is practice, not proof. Yes. It comes along with a lot of emotional baggage, but when we reframe it as this is just a temperature check, we're just trying to see what they know that that really does help correct another bull Important. [00:30:40] Speaker B: Set up the environment that works for your child. [00:30:44] Speaker A: Yeah. Use strategies that align with how their brains work best. You know, try to keep it multi sensory. Try to keep things in a way that you know your child is going to be at their best. [00:31:01] Speaker B: Protect your relationship by keeping your stress and their stress low. [00:31:06] Speaker A: Good luck, parents. [00:31:09] Speaker B: And partner with teachers to make sure homework is doable. So, Maggie, what's happening outside of dyslexia? Oh, my gosh. [00:31:19] Speaker A: So as we record this episode, it is the first day of school for my kids and most public school kids across the state of Wisconsin. So it is a big day. It's a gorgeous first day of school. [00:31:35] Speaker B: It is really awesome. [00:31:37] Speaker A: We don't always get just like the prime. Feels like a first day of school. [00:31:41] Speaker B: Yes. [00:31:41] Speaker A: It's, like, kind of chilly this morning, but it's supposed to be like 77 degrees. [00:31:47] Speaker B: Yes. [00:31:48] Speaker A: Perfect temperature. Nice. Bright and sunny. I am feeling very good about this school year. I have to say this is probably the first school year as a mom that I sent my kids off. There were no tears had by any of the Gunthers this morning. [00:32:04] Speaker B: Oh, that's very good. Yes. [00:32:06] Speaker A: We're bright and shiny. So hoping for a good day. What's going on with you, Nicole? [00:32:13] Speaker B: Well, our kids actually started last week and unfortunately, we made three days before two of them got sick. [00:32:22] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:32:23] Speaker B: Which is actually a new record for our household. The last one was five days of school. Oh, no. [00:32:28] Speaker A: That's trending in the wrong direction. [00:32:30] Speaker B: It is trending in the wrong direction. And nope, for our oldest, Catherine was very, very sick. Wilson was sick, but able to kind of maintain his everything. [00:32:44] Speaker A: Didn't slow him down. [00:32:45] Speaker B: It did not slow him down, but it did slow her down. So, yeah, it's been kind of a wild weekend with taking care of kids, so. Yes. [00:32:56] Speaker A: Well, everybody, if you like our show, please follow us on social media and reach out if you have any questions or would like us to discuss a topic. If you do like our show, please follow and rate us on your favorite podcast player. This is how we reach more listeners and we get to help more families. Thank you, everybody. [00:33:15] Speaker B: Thank you.